Archive for July, 2003

I’m in Delaware. There are Delaweenians everywhere. Stephanie is really stuck up and cruel, but besides seriously harming my neck twice so far, we’re having good times. Ain’t we lucky we got em? Yeah, I’m getting a deluxe apartment in the sky or some shit. We were in bed until the afternoon, then I came to the library, this college kicks the shit out of F-burg when it comes to the whole ‘being clean with nice looking buildings’ thing. jrekoff i am not!

Domarrow I will be in dhe sdade of Delaware for doo days widh de beaudiful Sdephanie, if you wand do leave a message feel free do do so. Like Robinsin Carusso. Dis Dee dhing id does blow. Why do I dry?

Heh. Emory + car = not home. But I’ll be back when the day is new, and I’ll have more uhh links for you, and you’ll have somethings to talk about and I will screw… I mean too… G’damn Mr. Rogers kicked ass.

Heh. Emory + car = not home. But I’ll be back when the day is new, and I’ll have more uhh links for you, and you’ll have some silly things to talk about and we will screw… I mean I will too… G’damn Mr. Rogers kicked ass.

Attention Japan: Don’t make us nuke you again

Link of the Day, for yesterday I think… =D

Fucking A. I’ve got my car, and the crap is all taken care of, and that happy Lizard from Geico is covering my ass in case I get in a wreck. There was this fatass on crutches today, but his shirt was too short and his shorts were too small, so everytime Sgt. Lardlimp would lurch forward his giant hairy asscrack would show. Links of the day, courtesy of my favorite (and the only) girl that goes to WVU, Kate. Oh, and Stephanie said I should be a cartoon, rock.

Link of the Day Number A

Link of the Day Number B

Ever think maybe time is actually going in reverse, we just don’t notice it? If it were, we would be Gods. We would arise from dust and dirt, what we think of as memory would be the ability to predict the future with 100% accuracy. We wouldn’t die, so much as merge with previous generations… we would not see the world, we would project it. We would not be consumers, but rather producers. If the big bang theory is to be believed, the entire universe would eventually come together to form something basically pure.

Crazy? Maybe. But is my car taken care of? FUCK YES.

Link of the Day – Villain Supply – Guess who sent me this? Kate of course.

I downloaded a clip off the internet when I was looking for piratey sounds, and forgot about it. So I just ran it like 5 mins ago, and it had a phone number in the file info, so I called it, and it was the guy! And he was like “What do you want?” and I was like “Well, I’ve got a sound clip of a pirate and it had your phone number” and he was like “And?” and I went “And I was just curious” then he went “Yarrr, it be me lad!”

That was fairly great. So I got Kate’s letter yesterday and then Stephanie sent me some cool email today, so yeah, my ego? Pretty big right now. Hmm, still working through this car mess, but its looking like I’ll be able to get the damn thing tommorow. It might not exactly be insured anymore, but hey… at least I uhh have food.. in the house… (insert something positive here).

What? I dunno. 2 days = 234 emails, hot damn I’m popular… with guys like that bastard Matthew Lesko thinking he is so great with his question mark suit and his constant promises to make me wealthy. Well, I fell for that once you charmer, so leave me alone. I hate you Matthew Lesko. And suprisingly I don’t need breast enhancement pills, that eliminates about 20 of them… oh, and my penis is big enough thank you, that’ll take care of 50. And no, I don’t want to see your cousin Julie pleasure the football team, damn internet whores. And I don’t want a credit card, or to get rich quick, I’m content to stay poor slowly, so yeah, leave me alone. Whatever, all I want in my Inbox from now on is pictures of girls and messages written about how great and/or awesome I am. Yes, that’ll do.

You represent… desire.

You sure are motivated. You have a definite knack
for getting what you want. You always put your
own interests before those of others, and you
almost always find youself being satisfied.
Though you have determination, try some
compassion. Putting others first occassionally
can get you even more satisfying relationships.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

John just kicked my ass at scrabble. Its alright tho, I mean, I think the guy is smart… at least I didn’t like lose to Ashley… (on the offchance she actually checks my website, jk). Oh, and I shouldn’t forget the link of the day, or LOTD. Thats like, Lord of the (something cool that starts with a D). Maybe Lord of the Droids, it’d be set in outerspace…

One class to rule them all

One class to find them

One class to bring them all

So make sure you’ve defined ’em.

Lame, I know, but give me a break here. I’m not that into Lord of the Rings or Sci-Fi… hell, I actually had to open a book to find the original poem before I ruined it. The class stuff has to do with C++, so if you don’t get it, you’re in the majority. Oh, right, link of the day, here:

Link of the Day – Homestar Runner – Hmm, I forget who sent me this…

Does anyone else hear voices during Queens of the Stoneage – No One Knows starting around 1 min 10 seconds into the song? It seriously freaks me out.

Apparently Kate’s status as girl of the week disappeared off the site. I blame Space Nazis.

Link of the Day – They Fight Crime – thx Girlie girl.

So I finally got home at around 5 today, tommorow I guess I’ll get things taken care of or whatnot. Yaknow, so I can drive. For more than two days in a row.

I got a $50 ticket and the police kinda took my car… Apparently it isn’t registered (MVA didn’t send me a sticker for 2003). So yeah, I’m also going to have to pay a towing fee and the MVA, well, I assume they’ll want whatevers left.


I would just like to give an insane number of props to Stephanie for something that I’m not allowed to mention, but is cool.

Link of Right Now – Journal of a New COBRA Recruit – thx again Kate

Imagine this, there is a single solution for all your maiming and cooking needs. Thats right folks, it decapitates, mauls, dices and makes Julianne fries. Now, how much would you expect to pay for such a wonderful instrument of cookery and doom?

$400? NO!!!

$200? NO!!!

Just 3 easy payments of $59.95 and you too can be well on your way towards ultimate happiness and damnation! Thats right, the Butcher Knife Pro is endorsed by such celebrities as:

Kobe Bryant

OJ Simpson

The Naked Chef

Martha Stuart

Lionel Richie

Rick Moranis

Yeah, its late, I don’t know either.

Link of the Day – Courtesy of your favorite non-Irishwoman, Kate O’Brien

Tag and Bobble T

Link of the uhh 12 hour period or something – LOTR Diaries

Funniest batteries EVAR

Link of the Day – Courtesy of Kate

Note: As I haven’t finished downloading, I cannot be sure what this is. However, I trust the girl, so I’m guessing its at least mildly entertaining. At most, you may suffer a heart attack, so have the Aspirin ready.

Stephanie (the new one) kept me up allllll night.

Oh, and for some reason I made animated gifs. Here you go:







I’ve been awake for an hour today. During that time, I’ve eaten a bowl of cereal, brushed my teeth and checked my eBay auctions. Thats right everyone, I haven’t done a single funny thing today, this update is completely without merit. I’m not even sure why you’re still reading it. Either you like me enough to keep going, or you’re even more bored than I was when writing this. Shout outs to Kelly, Jo Anna and Steph (the one from Delaware)… since apparently now shout outs are what I do (its all an attempt to get these girls to read the page regularly, I swear). And so Kate won’t feel left out, well, that should do it.

Link of the Day (uhh, for tommorow) – Mr. Slugworth and the Maze of Doom

Link of the Day – Baron Harkonnen Says WMDs Will Be Found

Fallen Angel
You are a six-winged Fallen Angel!

Once a Seraphim, you turned away from the Lord
because you were envious of his children –
humanity. You gained yourself a soul but paid a
horrible price. Now you walk the depths of
hell, forever bound by the chains of hate. You
moan your loss and woe on those who dare to
stand in your way. You are of a deadly beauty,
striking endless sadness and hopelessness in
the hearts of those who are unlucky enough to
fall for you.

What kind of supernatural being are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

It was a good night, went to John’s for about 6 hours, during which we accomplished very little. We did, however, try out his new Hookah (its named Encephalitis or something). No, we didn’t smoke weed, it was some kind of flavored tobacco. Not sure what flavor, but it tasted like cotton candy flavored air, which frightens me since I don’t typically smoke.

And then I get back and have not one, but two random girls IM me… lol. Thats three random girls in like three days, weird man, weird. One apparently wants me, and the other, tho 16… yaknow, I’m really not sure why she messaged me, but hey… attention is always welcome. Getting over someone you really liked is hard, especially when after a few shots you’re all about her. But hey, I guess she wasn’t good enough for me anyway… not good enough to date anyhow, crazy bitch. I am so great, la la la la. Uhh, go ego go ego go ego, its your birthday. My life reflects my sanity.

Anyway, mad love to Big Tony, who you can see in the Friends section looking very World War II. And Mark, without whom the phrase Beef Strokemeoff wouldn’t exist. And Kate, for seemingly being all-around awesome and supposedly working on a letter for me.

I need sleep like a monkey needs bananas. Scratch that. I need sleep like a hobo needs mouthwash. Thats much better.

Woke up at like 11, sat around (heh), watched The Cosby Show and ate lunch. Then I got all kinds of sleepy, got in bed, and woke back up around 6. I then proceeded to watch… well, something, I dunno, but eventually Futurama came on (I thought they canceled that?) and it was pretty good. Also tonight on Fox was a new show called Bonzai which ROCKS. They had old ladies playing chicken in wheelchairs.

In other news, if you want a picture of John’s nipple, just let me know. Oh, and let me give a shout out to Kate and Leah, since I’m pretty sure both of them will read this. At least I hope they will, heh.

If anyone has any ideas for the site, Let me know

I was bored, so I made a crapload of new pictures for the MS Paint gallery. I’m not sure how many constitutes a crapload exactly, but I figure thats relative. Anyhow, a couple are uhh ‘offensive’, so if you get offended, fuck you =D

MS Paint Gallery

My last post… wow… and if you saw my away message… well, yeah, it seemed like something Joey Holland would use for Christ’s sake (for reference, his screenname is joeyprancer) =D

Gawd, as insanely dumb as the things I do/say/write are… they make me smile when I’m sober. They’re always so… extreme…

To do: Kill inhibitions when sober.

Ah yes, I’d like to thank the following people for my previous state:

Stephanie, for being so damned likeable.

Kevin, for encouraging me to drink more.

The doctor, for the medication, which lets me get twice as drunk half as fast.

My mother, for looking the other way.

The fine people in Stamford, CT… without whom the 3rd of a handle of Smirnoff Vanilla Twist I drank wouldn’t have existed.

Paul, for buying me the vodka when I was in Frostburg.

Mike, for the ride to Frostburg.

My car, for getting me to Frederick.

Alcohol is a lot like Christ. If you believe in it, and accept it, and really take it in… well then, you’re a dumbass. But seriously folks, I had 3 shots of vodka in the last 30 minutes, and I’ve gotta say… feeling pretty coherent. Angry, but coherent. Aka normal. Fucking hell, and of course nobody is left on the old buddy list, it being 5+ am and all… I really do hate being online, but most’ve the people I talk to I don’t really call on the phone, since using the telephone requires use of my vocal chords, which are strictly for the purposes of A) Singing along to my various MP3s and B) Going “ARGH MOTHERFUCKERS DIE DIE DIE FUCKING CHRIST FUCK THIS FUCK THAT FUCK THE FUCKING WORLD EVERYTHING FUCKING SUCKS LIFE IS SHIT AND I WISH EVERYONE WOULD GO SUCK A MILLION FUCKING COCKS AND BLEED THROUGH THEIR EYES AT WHICH POINT THEY SHOULD SLIT THEIR WRISTS AND DRAIN THEIR BLOOD INTO THE SEWER WHERE IT WOULD BE NOTICED BY THE NINJA TURTLES WHO ARE JUST A PLOY TO GET CHILDREN TO BOTHER THEIR PARENTS INTO BUYING TOYS WHICH ARE ULTIMATELY JUST GOING TO GET LOST AND OR BROKEN, BUT SUCH IS THE NATURE OF MATERIAL POSESSIONS, AND SUCH IS THE NATURE OF MAN TO DESIRE THEM, HENCE MANKIND NOT DESERVING EXISTANCE IN THE FIRST PLACE. LET ME BE A FUCKING CAVEMAN, LET ME RAPE AND PILLAGE AND MURDER AND FUCK INDESCRIMINATELY. LET ME KILL THOSE WHO STAND IN MY WAY AND FASHION ARROWHEADS BY BANGING ON ROCKS AND DON’T TAX, MODERATE, INTERFERE, OR GOVERN ME IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER. LET ME CLIMB THE VINES ON THE SEARS TOWER AND WEAR LEATHER CLOTHES WHICH WILL LAST THE REST OF MY LIFE. Just let me be myself, don’t judge me. Don’t condemn me. Don’t ask me to do anything which doesn’t directly benefit me… don’t pity me, rather admire the fact I say what I feel, I feel what you want to, and I express my hatred! LET ME HAVE MY FUN, LEAVE ME ALONE, AND DIE. JUST FUCKING DIE. PLEASE, I BEG YOU, JUST GO INTO A CORNER JACK OFF AND BLEED TO DEATH FROM THE GUNSHOT WOUND I JUST INFLICTED (you know, by shooting you or whatnot)”

I’m so full of love. Love and vodka. Vodka and hatred. Hatred, with a lil bit of infatuation.

I beat Castlevania today. Hubba hubba, zoot zoot.

There are few things worse in the world than waking up slightly hungover and deciding to finish your drink from the night before (in my opinion anyway).

In the news: John had a mysterious adventure, Jeremy Burns got punked by a group of 6 recent FHS graduates, I’m feenin for some sexual healin, Jed Clampet is dead and… no, I think that pretty much covers yesterday. What did I do? Uhm, stuff.

Coricidin is bad. That is all.