Message of the Day (courtesy of Joe Johnson): You’ve got to transition your negatives into positives.

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Like, this one time I was riding a greyhound bus to Maryland via a ticket this crackhead sold me for $80 in Dallas because we both had battle injuries and I was supposed to get off in Virginia to see this girl because things with this other girl turned out shitty, but then I slept through my stop and wound up coming home. And then I updated my website. I named that story ‘The Day Before Halloween’.

Lol, uhm, I am in Texas. I got in a car accident, uhh yeah, I was in a car and then I got out and a while later my face got hit by five Texans… and it wasn’t really an accident, so much as me getting wasted and trying to take down a party. I still say, yaknow, give me a couple feet and put me against the littl mexican dude and there is a 50% chance I wouldn’t be in pain right now. Except for the whole kicking me in the side of the head thing, I did like Jared tho… pretty funny and reminded me of Matthew McMahon(or whatever). All in all thus far it been one hell of a trip, definately… well, not entirely unenjoyable. Candace is pretty great, and the Mexicans have proclaimed me Senor Ojo de Carne, at least I’m pretty sure thats what I’ve heard them say between the estupido and gringo. If there are typos, fucking deal with it, since this update is being made from a WebTV. And my last post was harsh, I know, but if you really want to start shit with me on my website… well, I’m the Emory in the EmoryM.com, biatch, bring it. And then mail me my money, lol. So uhh I’m leaving Texas at some point and then I’ll probably be in a funny farm somewhere painting Easter Eggs for children without a sense of color.

Kate and Justin, lol, sorry about this…. the Jerry Springer-esqueness was totally not my doing, I try to keep my personal shit personal. But yeah, since everything is public, here ya go…

Lol, so I haven’t checked the website for a while… just did… uhh, ok, so old Stephanie is a slut? Its cool, but like, just pay me for the tickets, lol… its not like I really care who/what/where you did nowadays honey. The fact you’re a ho is totally your business, s’cool you felt the need to post it on my website tho, lol. Course, I got mine, and by mine I mean your virginity, and by virginity I mean fucked you in the pussy AND the ass… yeah… God hates you honey. And I killed your goldfish. And that rabbit I gave you? Sir Hopsalot? Uhm, I think I got him last easter. When you fucked me on your period and bled everywhere, I was disgusted. When you cried after you lost your virginity after you said you were a fucking whore, yaknow, when you were in the bathroom weeping? I laughed, I chuckled… until you came out, at which point I held you. So do what you want, honey, told you I was evil. Told you I loved you too, so yeah, who knows when I’m lying? 😉 Oh, and Candace is tighter than you… I guess that extra weight loosened you up, poor… fat… thing. Aww. So Steph, enjoy swallowing cum, and being a slut, and uhh… going to hell… I’ll see you there =D And I posted nothing bad about you whatsoever, I was extremely civil. *gasp* Oh hey, and before you’re like “I won’t send him shit now”… well, do you want to see your tits on the internet? I know I do… give me a reason baby, just give me a fucking reason.

And Kelly, sorry about the show babe, Candace like… freaked out at me a little and I couldn’t go and hurt her feelings. She loves me.

My brain hurts.

I will never understand women, they are like Jenga… you wind up staring at the pieces until they fall over. That didn’t make any sese…

Candace is moving away =(

BUT she is moving closer =)

BUT she is still going to live far away =(

BUT I’m going to visit her =)

BUT Uhh I think she is mad at me =(

BUT I think some dude named Stromberg is on my side?

*blink* comma space *blink*

Its 3:30am.

So I figured out how to make subdomains. Subdomains you ask? Yes, subdomains I say… as in .emorym.com… so like, ebay.emorym.com will take you to my ebay auctions. So if you’ve got a website somewhere, and want like… mike.emorym.com to go there, let me know. *cough* Kate, Kelly, Candace *cough*

Preventative Maintence is for Dummies. Quantum computing is complicated. Field programmable gate arrays is where its at, baby. I just built a false eye SLASH laser pointer.

So today fucking sucked. Woke up, realized there was no way I was getting to work today, went back to sleep… stayed that way til about noon, when Dad came over and told me that Mom Mom is in the hospital for Diverticulitis (anal bleeding)… ok, so I go back to sleep, wake up when my Mom got home where she proceeded to wake me up via yelling (at like 6 I think?)… Ooohkay, dropped off Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg at work (which sucked balls), checked out a copy of the new MegaMan (which I hope refrains from the ball sucking), came on home… cleaned up the living room, and called around…

Mom Mom sounds pretty awful but she said she’ll be ok. Then I talked to Justin and it turns out his other grandmother is in the hospital and my Uncle is trying to decide whether to take her off of life support. Oh, needless to say I didn’t go looking for a new truck today either… and my grandparents (the ones who dumped out my vodka and thought my vitamins were crack) are visiting this weekend, so that should be… fun… Oh, and Ashley basically de-invited me from the Hanson concert tommorow.

Raargh.

Candace’s foot got runover, it sounds like she’s hurt pretty bad. I don’t think she’ll go to the doctor tho, so yeah… let me lay there worrying about her for five hours before I wake up or whatnot and work… woo. Telling her to go to the doctor pissed the living shit out of her, heres hoping it was the alcohol.

What if there was a seperate dimension for every outcome of every decision, in such a way that these dimensions were parallel… I’m not sure if this goes into quantum mechanics, but bear with me. Now, what if it was entirely possible that consciousness is dependant upon a soul, in such a way that to maintain continuity at every moment of every day you’d need to take into account which, of an infinite number of, dimension(s) would be best suited for the next moment. An infinite number of you exist in a multitude of dimensions, all with minds and bodies, but what if the soul is responsible for making this the here and now? In effect, although decisions you make in life are based upon the past, as in determinism… your soul would actually be making the decision as to what happens next, as in free will.

I took two sleeping pills, if this makes sense I’ll be shockified.

According to the Death Clock I’ve got another 54 years to live… that means I can fuck around for another 4 years, spend about 10 rising to power and rule for 40. Ah yes, the 40 year rule of EmoryM will be glorious… handjobs and 40s for all my men! Need I say more?

No?

Ok.

Deaftonight: hmmm ive got redbull in the fridge

Deaftonight: and liquor

Deaftonight: this could make for an interesting night.

KodaDragon: I hate redbull.

Deaftonight: yeah it tastes like asshole

KodaDragon: don’t you have tests tommorah?

Deaftonight: nope

Deaftonight: thursday and friday

KodaDragon: Well, maybe if someone jammed their asshole fulla sprees.

Deaftonight: LOL

KodaDragon: Wow.

KodaDragon: I’d like to see that.

Deaftonight: what the fuck.

KodaDragon: Cmon

KodaDragon: An asshole fulla sprees?

KodaDragon: Just get the guy from goatse.cx to do it…

KodaDragon: it’d be great.

KodaDragon: He could fart candy at children for Halloween.

Deaftonight: NOOOOO!

Deaftonight: thats awfuk

Deaftonight: awful

KodaDragon: Thats a trick AND a treat.

Deaftonight: thats trick and fuckin nasty

KodaDragon: Then why am I laughing?

Deaftonight: im laughing too

KodaDragon: I picture some guy farting sprees at a kid wearing a bedsheet when a door opens, and the kid freaking the fuck out, running away going AHHHHH

Deaftonight: HAHHAHAHAHA

Deaftonight: oh damn

This guy used to be against drinking, and swore he’d never date a girl who smoked. Cigarettes. I can’t help but think I played a major part in making him the fine upstanding individual he is today… poor guy.

GE1SS: O SHIT!!!

KodaDragon: lol

KodaDragon: sup cheat?

GE1SS: oh, i’m reminded all of a sudden to tell u tasha’s single

GE1SS: uhmm… gonna go slkeep here in a bity

GE1SS: *bit

GE1SS: fucking keyboard + weeed.

KodaDragon: lol

GE1SS: and its not mine, i’m chillin in niki’s room right now

KodaDragon: Find out if Tasha wants to fuck me

GE1SS: hahahaa

GE1SS: her screen name is trackchica420

GE1SS: talk to her

GE1SS: she remembers you

KodaDragon: k

GE1SS: god i got to sleep like 4am and had to wake up at 630

GE1SS: anywho dude, i gotta run

KodaDragon: Dude wat

GE1SS: i’ll ttyl

KodaDragon: wait

KodaDragon: Up to KB yet? 😉

GE1SS: wassup

GE1SS: to wha?

KodaDragon: Weed… swag… or KB…?

GE1SS: oh yea

GE1SS: just did some tonight

GE1SS: and last night

KodaDragon: lol

KodaDragon: what kind?

GE1SS: got hopped up on nitrous a week ago

GE1SS: range of shit up here

KodaDragon: lol

GE1SS: had it all

GE1SS: nitrous is the SHITTTTTT

GE1SS: i want more so bad

KodaDragon: You’re pathetic, lol

GE1SS: hahaha

KodaDragon: But I love ya anyway.

GE1SS: it was so fun

GE1SS: 30, 40 second highs are great

KodaDragon: I’ll visit, we’ll get fucked up, it’ll be cool.

GE1SS: fukin rihgt!

GE1SS: *right

KodaDragon: Where can you get nitrous?

GE1SS: morgantown

GE1SS: we skipped town monday night

GE1SS: last monday

KodaDragon: Heh, k man, I’ll ttyl… holla at me

GE1SS: and hit up some nitrous, some heavy drinkin, then a strip club

GE1SS: almost got a dui on the way home

GE1SS: sucked

GE1SS: alright, peace, i’m off

GE1SS signed off at 9:29:52 PM.

I am Jack’s continual failure, more specifically, to understand women… heh, bad dawg.

Ok… so now Steph is old Steph and old Steph is uhh, the pizza girl… even tho she might be a vegan terrorist by now… because I uhm know yet another Stephanie, lol. So the other day I figured out that all the girls I’ve slept with thus far have names beginning with the letter S, weird eh? Actually Candace pointed it out, and if you hadn’t seen the name before that long-ass apology, yeah… thats because she is ‘new’ as of like, 2-3 days ago. And she’ll probably read this, so yeah.

If Anna is reading this, whats up? Haven’t heard from you or seen ya online for like… a week… and thats just too long.

I missed out on seeing Dave Chapel at Radford on the 25th since I was planning to see Travis, bleh. Bleh bleh bleh. Aww well, hopefully I can find something else fun to do 😉

Oh, and I’m seeing Hanson with Ashley on Friday. Mock away.

I am like so totally sorry for saying that Candace reminded me of a hairless cat, even tho in that picture she did. Like, I’m so sorry that if sorry was currency I’d be Scrooge McDuck and crap. If being sorry was being happy I’d be like the Pillsbury Doughboy except if you poked my stomach I’d shoot you in your fucking head because what the fuck? I mean, here I am, trying to sell some dough or cookies and some shit and you’re poking me in the stomach? Thats fucked up, you dirty stomach-poking bastard, you could rupture my spleen or some shit… my skin is dough for fuck’s sake. Like if I had one coin for every time I was sorry for saying that Candace looked like a cat I’d have infinite lives in Mario Brothers. Uhm, I’m so frikkin sorry that I wrote a poem, it goes like this:

I like coffee

I like tea

Candace don’t look

like a kitty

Yeah, see that? Thats like, being sorry. Hardcore. I was thinking about wearing kneepads and jumping off my roof and being sorry to the X-treme. Uhhhhh… Yeah, so I want to apologize, both formally and unformally, to Candace for saying she looked like a cat in that one pic… because although she did, apparently I shouldn’t have made fun of her. Because it was mean. And I’m sorry. Did I mention I was sorry? I did? Well, thats because I am.. sorry that is… how the hell are you still reading this? Its like the same stuff over and over again, I mean, if you’ve read this far you’ve already gotten the gist…. Emory = sorry/bored, bored enough to write he is sorry like a million bazillion times on his website. I even asked Dr. Phil why I felt the need to say that Candace reminded me of a hairless cat and he just went “You’re an asshole”, of course it wasn’t really Dr. Phil, it was just my friend Jerry…. my imaginary friend Jerry… who is also sorry. Sorry for saying that Candace reminded me of a hairless cat. Candace. Sorry. Cat. Hairless.

Be An Anime Character by mangacatgirl
Character Name
Eyes	Red
Hair	Pink Mohawk
Fashion Style	Mecha Fighting Gear
Attitude	Cold Hearted
Role	Ninja
Created with quill18‘s MemeGen!

Click here for my rendition (drawn while on the phone with a drunken Kelly)

The United States has added Web sites to its list of “foreign terrorist organizations” for the first time, under the category of aliases for conventional groups, a State Department official said on Friday.

Nobody is really sure how it will work, or what the fuck the government is thinking… I mean, treating a website as a terrorist organization is about as crazy as treating a business like a seperate individual… wait, this just in… they already do, and its called a corporation.

Anyhow, here are the ‘bad’ sites:

Ooh, the poor spelling scares me!

Evil needs to learn about PhotoShop

Jewish Links… OF TERROR!!1

They’re just jealous of badass kids. Props for the Matrix ref tho.

All the details are at The Federal Register contents for the 10th, down in the State Department section.

Brandon sent me a Link of the Day… he is the terror that flaps in the night.

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I got bored. Here is a pole, I mean poll. Emory needs sleep.

I’ve rewritten this line about three times aiming for something funny. Consider this failure.

So the harddrive in the computer that I had been runnin XP in blew up on me two days ago… fucking computers, lol. But wait! I replaced it with a 20 gig Western Digital, which the Compaq sees and goes “Uhm, its an 8gig something or other”… so yeah, 12 gigs disappeared… but the important thing is I can look at porn. I mean uhh, talk to uhm, people who should really be calling me =D (bastards)

Love,

Emory

Oh yeah: Fuck you all.

Hmm, today was pretty good… Jenny didn’t call so I didn’t go to work (boo!) BUT Justin came over and beat the bossthing in Chaos Legion and then I went to the movies with Ashley and we went to Denny’s and I came home.

But wait! Here is where I complain 😉

I miss my quasi-girlfriend Stephanie, and the whole having sex thing… I can’t get in touch with the Comcheck eCash people because I don’t have a valid card number or some shit, basically its the way GameStop pays me… so I can’t exactly uhm get paid til I resolve it, goddamnit. Oh, and some bank account I don’t even use sent me an overdraft notice… apparently I went 50 cents over my limit due to a 2 dollar charge on the 15th… oh wait, I haven’t used that card in forever, uhm… and they want me to pay 36 dollars? Unless thats going to ruin my credit those dirty bitches can go straight to hell. Ahh yes, and I’ve got a medical bill for some test my doctor did on May 30th? I don’t exactly remember going to the doctor on May 30th, hmm… and its for $150… hmm…. and the government took $13 out of my paycheck, which equates to a dollar a day, I could be feeding some of those boney kids in Bumfuck Egypt, instead I’m doing what exactly? Social security, medicare? Neither one will exist when I need it, yet here I go, marching along like a fucking lemming and helping the government pretend like they’ve got shit under control. Oh, and this is me on two sleeping pills, lol, I was a good deal more pissed off about 20 minutes ago… *sigh*

The School of Rock is an excellent film and after watching it I have decided to stop listening to the radio. The radio = the man. Somebody want to buy me a DVD writer so I can copy PS2 games? Please?

A lot of shit happens. I take pictures of it, you look at them. Simple no?

I took this picture of my knees in jeans and thought it looked like a really bad weggie

At GameStop in the back hangs a tattered dollar bill right above the number to call for corporate theft. Smells like a trap.

Ultraviolet light reflecting off my eyeball

A ghost.

Dad!

Mom!

I don’t smoke. I swear.

I spit out my toothpaste and managed to get every bit on that thing in the middle, and none whatsoever on the porceline or whatever its made out of.

My cousin, looking all GQ and stuff. (GayQueer)

Kelly, doing coke!

OATEZ!!!!!1

Mmmm, GameCube

Ladies lookin sexah!

The broke-ass computer I put together after my crappy ass computer broke

My broke-ass ass in a restaurant after putting together my broke-ass computer after my crappy ass computer broke

My pet praying mantis