Archive for November, 2003


So I get up at 9am, get ready, get gas, drive to work… and guess fucking what? Grayson had apparently changed my schedule WITHOUT FUCKING TELLING ME. Sure, he called up and talked to Mom, but it isn’t like he made sure anything was alright with me before he switched me up with some fucking seasonal guy I don’t even know. That fucker gave me ‘strike one’ because I did a no call/no show, telling me after two I get written up and after three fired… like two weeks ago… of course, he operates on a different level as I am completely powerless to give him any shit for such incompetence and failure to effectively communicate with employees. Which last time I checked, was his job. Strike one. Oh, and I checked out Fire Warrior, heres hoping it isn’t suckage.

Need for Speed Underground is ‘yo boy’-o-riffic, and by that I mean I had to disable like 5 ‘EA TRAX’ before I could play without ‘EA SHOOTING SOMEONE’, since nothing makes M Extra want to bust out his gat and get dangerous up in here quite like Mystikal. Uhm, anyway, no idea what I’m getting tommorow.. thinking either a shooter (Warhammer 40K) or action game (Zone of the Enders 2). With great power comes great responsibility.

The whole Mario/Bowser/Princess dynamic is very fucked up, and I’ve only recently realized why. Like every game Bowser ‘kidnaps’ the Princess, then Mario spends the rest of the game going after him to ‘rescue’ her. So for 9.9/10ths of any Mario game, Princess Toadstool is spending time with Bowser… while Mario proceeds to track her down and eventually steal her away. Then lo and behold, he splits another game starts and once again she is in the ‘clutches’ of King Koopa.

But every time shit really hits the fan, as in Mario RPG and Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga, who is helping Mario for the good of the princess? Exactly, the ‘evil’ Bowser. When was the last time Mario helped Bowser for any reason whatsoever?

The way I figure, Princess Toadstool and King Koopa should be together, all he fucking wants to do is keep her safe… but noooo Mario always has to get his Italian-ice eating Italian ass into the mix, but the second she is ‘safe’ and alone again, what happens? Exactly, game over folks, game over.

The single dad is always losing out to some dude who still lives with his brother, considers jumping his primary skill and shrooms like they’re vitamins. The world makes me sick.

Final Fantasy X-2 = Final Fantasy: Charlie’s Angels… you realize this after having played the game for no time at all, since in typical Square fashion the game starts with a lengthy non-interactive FMV, at least its T&A’o’riffic tho. Tommorow I’m trying out the new GBA Mario-RPG-type-thing, yay. I love Candace, everything with she and I is puppydogs and kittyfucks. Uhh, gonna go up to Frostburg and stay wasted for a weekend at some point in the soon with Buzard, that crackerass cracker cracker crackhead. Bitch better pay me for a camera on eBay, $22 dollares has yet to be paypal’d.

So my dreams of playing Need for Speed: Unleashed on my PS2 tonight were FUCKING DESTROYED by those bastard customers, the ones who move the games around on the shelf out of alphabetical order to spite me, you know the type… I did however make with the borrowing of Disgaea from Erik and the checking out of Legacy of Kain: Defiance from work… dunno if ‘they’ ‘work’ ‘yet’… and by that I mean I don’t know if the copys I made of them work yet. What? I don’t copy PS2 games. Don’t copy PS2 games LIKE A FOX *taps head suggestively*

Eat at Joe’s.

Ranching monsters never tasted so good, its like Tecmo took everything I liked about the franchise and seasoned it while knocking out the crap… and by crap, I refer to Monster Rancher 3. Its moments like this that make me ❤ George Foreman. Whether or not it'll opyc with the vdburnerd and the opyc will layp in my laystation2p is to be seen… in a couple hours… and I got Candace something craptastic from work, but she might like it.

Tommorow: Need for Speed – UNDERGROUND, because nothing says good times like mineshaft derbies.

Gladius works… now for:

Suikoden III

Tekken Tag Tournament

RPG Maker 2

Legacy of Kain: Defiance

.Hack Pt 3

Monster Rancher 4

Need for Speed Underground

Dynasty Warriors 4

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4

Wild ARMS 3

Shadow Hearts

Warhammer 40k Fire Warrior


Zone of the Enders 2

Hmm, it’ll probably take me 3 weeks to get those 14 games… wish me luck. Oh yeah, I was supposed to make a page about Candace and how much I love her and stuff, but I can’t do a good job right now because I feel like shit. So instead, I’m gonna go sleep some more =D

Cereal. Work. Post Office. Cousin’s House. Home.

And they called it Friday.

.Hack has been obtained and working status is positive.

Gladius has been obtained, though working status has yet to be determined.

I feel sick =(

Alright, since I know my last post left everyone in suspense, here goes… got PS2 games to copy, namely the second dot HACK and Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Sadly however, Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance refused to work… I was all ‘Work you little bitch!’ and it returned with a ‘uh uh oh no you didn’ forgetting the T and being all ghetto and shit and I figured ‘fuck you’ because that game thinks it all that when it ain’t. But like I misread my schedule or something and didn’t go to work, so I’m thinking tommorow will go something like this:

Emory: Hey

Grayson: About yesterday, we’re not going to tolerate this sort of incompetence!

Emory: I know, I’m sorry, it won’t happen again… I must’ve misread the schedule or something…

Grayson: Thats not good enough… you’re fired.

Emory: Woe is me.

Grayson: No, unemployed is you. Scram, hippie.

Well, maybe it won’t be quite so bad, but I’ll still get myself nice and anti-depressed before I go in. Also thinkin maybe he’ll revoke my checkout priveledges, since having gotten the ability to play copied PS2 games like last week, it’d figure.

We’ll see what happens.

I broke my PS2.

I fixed my PS2.

I slept through hanging out with Dustin and Eric.

I woke up and watched A Beautiful Mind.

I am wearing a green turtle neck and feel vaguely like a lizard.

I will go over to my cousin’s house and try again to copy a PS2 game shortly.

That is all.

Another day, another game.

Final Fantasy 11’s patches make baby jesus cry.

I think this may be the answer to my financial woes. Picture this… I figure out the difference in weight between Yu-Gi-Oh packs which feature foil cards and those that do not. I then use this knowledge to weigh all the cards at my store, and purchase only those packs which house foily delight. I then sell aformentioned foil cards to the local comic book store, easily turning a profit. And hell, this would work for magic cards too. Maybe.

So I finally got around to cleaning out my file cabinet. After that I turned the humming pile of parts on the floor into a computer, which is good, since now if I spill salt water I won’t be electrocuted, and I’m always spilling salt water. Goddamn laws of thermodynamics.

Its time for fun with calculations. I am your host, Emory Myers. That was the fun, here are calculations.

Calories per day = 2000.

Calories per unit of blood = 600.

Units of blood per person = 5.

Units of blood a person can donate per year = 6.

Units of blood needed per year = 1204.5.

So for all you vampiric cult leaders out there, here is a handy formula:

241 – 1.2X = Y

Where X is the number of loyal followers, and Y is the number of people who will need to ‘disappear’.

10 cult members = 229 victims/year.

50 cult members = 181 victims/year.

100 cult members = 120 victims/year.

150 cult members = 61 victims/year.

200 cult members = 1 victim/year.

Ok, so you goth punks had better be making lots of friends unless you want to go down like Ted Bundy. Or, yaknow, you could always become an Emo vamp which I’m sure would lower the numbers quite a bit… since those damn Emo kids don’t eat (they do make a satisfying snap crackle pop sound as their bones shatter after being hit in the skull with a Louisville slugger tho).

Does anyone find it a little silly that car companies in Japan are treating robots that bear some semblance to people like the greatest thing since bread slicing machines? I find it fucking rediculous. You want to build a humanlike robot? You want a frame that has it all… superior design, working joints, durability? Hello, this way to the graveyard… seriously, I propose Necrobotics, the usage of corpses as robotic platforms. Take one skeleton, add a shitload of motors to replace muscles, cram some computing hardware in the skull/ribcage/pelvis and wa-fuckin-laa (or viofuckingla if you want to be uppity about it).

Course, why even bother with adding motors? Last time I checked muscles continued to react to electrical stimulation several hours after death… just put our men and women at arms in suits which would ‘take care’ of them in the event of death, there is no good reason they couldn’t continue to serve for several hours just because their brain stop receiving oxygen…

On second thought, why even wait for death? There are bazillions of useless people out there in mental institutions and hospital beds who could simply be seperated from higher brain function for a couple days while a combination of artificial intelligence and well timed shocks to their muscles provided our much deserving society with a few unpaid manhours.

Necrobotics, the wave of the future. EmoryM, a fucking lunatic. Bacon Cheeseburgers, paradise on a bun.

Castlevania: Lament of Innocence was rediciously easy, as was the last boss in Final Fantasy Tactics: Advance (and in typical final fantasy fashion, it made no goddamn sense, the last boss was the embodiment of my desire for the world to remain intact). Tony Hawk’s Underground is a game which I find basically unenjoyable. If you’ve got previous Tony Hawk experience, and at this point who doesn’t, you’ll find the game too easy. The graphics are better (when aren’t graphics getting better?), but not to the point where I’m glad they’ve improved. Yes, you can get off your board. Yes, you can drive vehicles. Yes, both of these modes of gameplay feel halfassed and if you’d like to do either they just released the Grand Theft Auto bundle for PS2 (it’ll be out for XBox this week). But enough bitching… at the moment I’m trying to decide between getting a DVD Burner and the Slide Card (free PS2 games anyone? cha-ching!) or the GBA TvTuner (it looks a little wonky, but I could use a portable TV, and $40 seems hella cheap).

I think I need another job, anyone want to pay me to tell you in which ways your videogames need improvement? Or be physically injured? Cmon, I excel at both 😉