The whole Mario/Bowser/Princess dynamic is very fucked up, and I’ve only recently realized why. Like every game Bowser ‘kidnaps’ the Princess, then Mario spends the rest of the game going after him to ‘rescue’ her. So for 9.9/10ths of any Mario game, Princess Toadstool is spending time with Bowser… while Mario proceeds to track her down and eventually steal her away. Then lo and behold, he splits another game starts and once again she is in the ‘clutches’ of King Koopa.

But every time shit really hits the fan, as in Mario RPG and Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga, who is helping Mario for the good of the princess? Exactly, the ‘evil’ Bowser. When was the last time Mario helped Bowser for any reason whatsoever?

The way I figure, Princess Toadstool and King Koopa should be together, all he fucking wants to do is keep her safe… but noooo Mario always has to get his Italian-ice eating Italian ass into the mix, but the second she is ‘safe’ and alone again, what happens? Exactly, game over folks, game over.

The single dad is always losing out to some dude who still lives with his brother, considers jumping his primary skill and shrooms like they’re vitamins. The world makes me sick.