It’s become pretty clear to me that we’re getting the divorce. I’ve been fighting hard to get Anna to see the light – that I’m feeling better now, that the anhedonia is gone, that I always loved her in the ways I could – but it’s like begging a door to open. Anna lived alongside my depression for the last few years and the effects are terrifying… as much as I want to stay and help her get better the fact is she’s refusing to consider that as an option (and since it’s 2018 the entire world is built around saying “you go girl! you do you!” and ignoring how this is going to affect our children.) I can’t force her to do what I feel is the right thing as parents, the best I can do is minimize the damage she’ll probably inflict. She’s ripping my heart a new asshole. My heart has a butt now. Bert and Corina, if you ever read this, Daddy is sorry – I’m sorry that I had depression, I’m sorry I took so long to come out of it and I’m sorry I couldn’t get Mommy to help me save our family.

On the bright side I guess I get to find my own apartment now and have a proper career. I expect I’ll be taking the cats since Anna doesn’t seem to love them anymore either. I’d take the kids if I could.

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