Archive for March, 2019


For the Kids’ Sake

In Washington State when your wife decides to kick you out of your family you’ve got to attend this 4.25 hour seminar called For the Kids’ Sake. As if you weren’t heartbroken enough you get to learn how your children will never recover, divorce never ends and you’ll always be fighting. I saw nothing in those 4.25 hours which made me desire this future for myself, my wife or our children. Bert and Corina deserve better than this, I don’t understand how anyone thinks otherwise. I want to stay married and our kids are going to want us to be married.

At one point the ‘teacher’ defined anger as a secondary emotion, said that anger can be healthy to express and then said the difference between anger and rage is that in rage someone is scared. I asked “So if you’re angry, but I’m a very fearful person, does that mean you’re enraged?” Her answer, of course, was “Yes.” I’m living in Clown World – I can be considered violent without having committed violence because my emotions are decided by yours.

The world can go crazy but I will remain true to myself: I will always love my family and I will never hurt them. I do not want a divorce, I just want to come home and be a father and husband. I was depressed, I’m not now, I’m sorry and I couldn’t control it. By the time I understood the severity of our problems it had been decided for me that divorce was the only solution. I will always be willing to do what is best for our children and the statistics make it clear what that is. I will forgive my family for anything.

When I was depressed I said and did a lot of things which I regret, though none as horrible as the things I’ve been accused of. I can make amends to everyone except the one person who really deserves them.

Spaghett

Went to the libraries in Mill Creek and Marysville to track down books about Monster Trucks for Bert. Came home and Dad had made spaghetti. I didn’t really want to eat it and then I looked – he’d cut all the noodles up into little pieces. I find the long noodles annoying and when I expressed that he agreed emphatically. We ate the spaghetti. No fever for 24 hours, throat is still sore but I think the cold is almost over.

:/

The saddest part of this divorce is my son asking me “When are you coming home?” “Why don’t you come home?” “Are you coming home?” every time I see him at supervised visitation. He’s bright and the strategy of redirection with a “I’m here now, let’s play!” isn’t working. I’m not allowed to do anything else.

The next saddest thing is that Anna has convinced herself I was reading her emails, listening to her calls, etc. The truth is just that I love her – when she’d talk to me I’d listen.

Sorry kids, I tried as hard as I could. Maybe something changes in the future but I wouldn’t bet on it.