Archive for July, 2019

Beautiful Day

I hope someone took my kids swimming today – I don’t even know who’s living in my home right now but I hope they took Bert and Corina swimming in my pool, because I can’t.  I hope the people I love realize the mistake they’re making soon, how much they’re hurting the kids and I, because things won’t stay this way and there’s no reason for them to be this way now.  At least I’ll be able to look at my kids one day and tell them I loved their mother even when it was hard, people can take everything I’ve got but they can’t take that away from me.

Apartment Living

Bert asked me if I mowed the lawn – had to explain I don’t have one here, our lawn is at home.  I asked Bert if he’d help me figure things out when he’s older and smarter than me – he said when he grows up he wants to live in an apartment like I do and with me.  I don’t know how anybody does this to a kid, I couldn’t, not unless I was sick.  Just realized is still pointing at Wikipedia if you use http instead of https- oops, fixed.


Up to 12 neutral-grip and 8 overhand pullups, down to 150lbs.  Biggest differences in chest, arms & shoulders.  Gonna look silly if I don’t keep doing squats, getting to the point I can’t skip leg day.  Playing a game with Justin this afternoon.  Need to find a new place to live.  Really wish I could play Trauma Center and Everybody Votes with my best friend again.


I’m always so excited to see our kids that I have everything ready an hour before I need to and then I’ve got to sit around.  Today I cooked/fixed bacon, fruit roll-em-ups, toasted PB&J & honey peanut-butter graham crackers.  Bert always wants to watch stuff so I download videos to my phone so we don’t accidentally see ads or anything inappropriate, today we’re watching Pororo Episode 3 and Mickey Mouse – Wild Waves.  Maybe some “Toy Man” if one of them is pooping.

If I could think of anything else I could do for my family I’d be doing it.  If anybody has ideas let me know.


Started running my contest-entering bot a few days ago, already won a new game – BeeFense.  That’s right world, I’m a winner, deal with it.  Got a gig on Upwork to write a bot that monitors Beatport charts – I’d never seen Beatport before but it seems pretty decent.  I guess I’ll never see most websites that aren’t in my niche or the Alexa top 100, you know?  I really love writing and running bots, one of the 5 questions I ask myself every morning is “What can I program today?”  The other 4 are “What’s great about Bert and Corina?” “How can I have fun today?” “How can I improve myself today?” and “What will be great about being fit?”  I don’t need to ask myself “How can I get my family back?” because that’s always running through my head for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health and even in my dreams – I seriously get no relief from thoughts about Anna and the kids.  I’m lucky to have people in the world I love so much no matter what, there are some people who don’t love anyone – that’s gotta be worse.

Gonna go donate blood plasma tomorrow, it’s been too long since I donated blood and most people don’t donate plasma because it takes so long.  I’ve got the time.

I hope somebody told our kids to sing today.

Before I forget

New version of the NES Art Bot – – it’s using some NES constraints now related to tiles, backgrounds and sprites, I think the results look better.  Twitter compresses, mangles and stretches the heck out of these.

Also playing with non-malicious DeepFakery.  Today I asked Bert if I could record him leaning back as far as he could… I didn’t have any photos of him at that angle.  Also got some good profile images.  Woman who works there looked at me like I’ve got two heads.  Can’t wait until the day people wake up and realize how cool I am, then the kids and I can make crazy videos all day every day.


Might be going to jail for making sure my kids gave their mommy a birthday present. I have to keep doing the right thing regardless of the outcome. I love my family.

Update: Alright, bailed myself out – I hope Anna likes those birthday presents from the kids, two mugs that cost $40 and took 6 hours to design have now cost me another $420 + 24 hours.

So what’s not so bad about jail? You can sleep as much as you want on a hard mattress with no pillow, you can read as much as you want of sequels (seriously every book there was a Part 2), the guards are mostly friendly, the uniforms are green (my favorite color!) and the other inmates seem nice enough.  There are anti-rape posters on every wall, so that’s neat.

Do I want to go back? Nope. Do I think I will? No idea – she’s tried to have me sent a few times but this is the first thing I actually did that deserved it (buying presents is a violation of the order intended to protect her from imaginary murderous intent.) It’s possible that when I go back to court for this thing I’ll get some more time in there. It is what it is.  If I were her I wouldn’t expect any presents from the kids in the future unless someone else steps up… which I hope they do… because at the end of the day I hope there’s still a nice person inside of her.

I haven’t understood most of what she’s done for months in terms of ripping our families apart and wounding our kids for life, so I won’t lose sleep over it, but sending me to jail for making sure Bert and Corina have a birthday present to give her is sick. What kind of father wouldn’t make sure his children have presents to give their mother on her birthday? I lost some sleep last night but that was mostly down to spending from 10pm-1am in a 60 degree holding cell – on the bright side I don’t think I’ve shivered that hard since the one time we came back from a vacation in the winter and hadn’t turned on the heat in our apartment. How many socks did we wear then? I forget, but I remember that even the hand soap was frozen solid.  Better and colder times.

I wish I knew, Google Photos. I wish I knew.


Got to see Bert and Corina on a Saturday for the first time in 6 months. We watched Pororo, Grover and Mickey. Corina loves Anna more than she enjoys watching cartoons so we wound up watching a few videos of our family too. Corina likes her bacon crispy, Bert likes his soft… so next time I’ve got to cook half one way and half another. Bert told me he woke up during that earthquake and I wasn’t there to protect him – what would have happened if I’d called to make sure my family was safe? No idea. This domestic violence protection order is accomplishing two things: allowing people who are mistaken about me to remain that way and interfering with my love for our kids. There is nothing to protect anyone from, it’s so dumb. If Anna is starting to realize how unnecessary all of this then soon enough we’ll be having a laugh about the half a year we spent living in a Lifetime movie.

Probably going on a hot air balloon ride soon, it’s something I’ve always wanted to do… I want to go “uppy uppy uppy!” I don’t know if Anna would’ve done that with me but I wish I’d brought it up a decade ago.


Bert didn’t know what bacon was so now I can cook bacon.

Bringing that boy some bacon.

Do I think he’ll eat it? Nope.

Corina might. I definitely will.

Update: Bert liked it! Corina didn’t seem to understand the texture, chewed it pretty thoroughly and then spit it out into her hand and gave it to me. Thanks, honey.

Peanut butter + honey + oats = peanut butter oat squares. Letting them set, if they’re not too gooey I’ll be bringing some when I see Bert and Corina tomorrow. I have a good feeling about these.

Happy 4th of July

I hope my family is eating burgers, swimming and going to see fireworks! I’m lucky that I can remember seeing fireworks with Anna in Westminster, Redmond, Hawaii and Disney World… and I think maybe in Bellevue too? Never got to see them with Bert – I hope he and Corina don’t get scared hearing them.

I just noticed they’ve got the same crying mouth shape.

Edit: I showed this to Bert and he wanted to know why he was purple. Why why why why? Corina just said “Baby!” I love them so much.

One good thing about being away from the people you love is that it helps you realize how important they are – every day I wake up and I know who I love and how much. I don’t think many people get to start their day like that, do they?

I’ve got no idea how I’m going to get my family back, I just know I need to do it before this hurts Anna and the kids more than it already has. The older Bert and Corina get the more they’re going to need me there, every day… and they already do. Sticking them in daycare or bringing in strangers to take care of them isn’t a solution, I am irreplaceable. Whether they can communicate that yet or not doesn’t matter – the statistics on children of divorce make it clear that this is in no way good for them.

The biggest mistake I’ve made during the last year was focusing on the thing I didn’t want to happen, the divorce, instead of the thing that matters to me, Anna’s feelings. I was too hurt to think clearly but no excuses. One of these days I’ll get my right to free speech back and do everything I can to remind her of who recognized her beauty in an ‘ugly’ picture, talked to her on the phone for years, took her to Denny’s, drove through a blizzard to profess his love, rescued her from her father, gave her a place to live, spilled tea everywhere, moved across the country to support her education, let a kitten loose in the car, edited comp answers, encouraged her to start a business, spent tens of hours shopping for engagement rings, loves her family as much as she does, fathered her children, loves her even through all of this and is too stubborn to stop.

Maybe we’ll already be divorced before I’m free to speak – doesn’t matter, don’t care. The money we’re wasting on this I can earn back. The time I’m losing with the kids I will make up to them somehow. Everyone who has taken her side? Already forgiven. I took vows and I meant them, I have children and I love them.