One good thing about being away from the people you love is that it helps you realize how important they are – every day I wake up and I know who I love and how much. I don’t think many people get to start their day like that, do they?

I’ve got no idea how I’m going to get my family back, I just know I need to do it before this hurts Anna and the kids more than it already has. The older Bert and Corina get the more they’re going to need me there, every day… and they already do. Sticking them in daycare or bringing in strangers to take care of them isn’t a solution, I am irreplaceable. Whether they can communicate that yet or not doesn’t matter – the statistics on children of divorce make it clear that this is in no way good for them.

The biggest mistake I’ve made during the last year was focusing on the thing I didn’t want to happen, the divorce, instead of the thing that matters to me, Anna’s feelings. I was too hurt to think clearly but no excuses. One of these days I’ll get my right to free speech back and do everything I can to remind her of who recognized her beauty in an ‘ugly’ picture, talked to her on the phone for years, took her to Denny’s, drove through a blizzard to profess his love, rescued her from her father, gave her a place to live, spilled tea everywhere, moved across the country to support her education, let a kitten loose in the car, edited comp answers, encouraged her to start a business, spent tens of hours shopping for engagement rings, loves her family as much as she does, fathered her children, loves her even through all of this and is too stubborn to stop.

Maybe we’ll already be divorced before I’m free to speak – doesn’t matter, don’t care. The money we’re wasting on this I can earn back. The time I’m losing with the kids I will make up to them somehow. Everyone who has taken her side? Already forgiven. I took vows and I meant them, I have children and I love them.

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