Archive for August, 2019


;)

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Good things.

Here’s a thing I’ve been working on to learn animation & networking. Learned inverse kinematics yesterday for gun holding/aiming. Goal is making a game to play with Justin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtqalbaAn4Y

My Upwork account is in the top 5% of new accounts or something, they labelled me ‘Rising Talent’ – that’s cool. No way I could ever make enough there to cover rent + legal costs + child support but it’s nice to have some good news.

Bot won another game but it was so low-budget I’m scared that it’s actually a miner or trojan or something, not going to install it. If junk like that can get onto Steam and sell 1 copy then I should probably put my new indie hit “Spiders Crawl up Wall to Eerie Music” up for sale for $1.

 

The Search

Bot won another game. No idea what this one is, going in completely blind.

Ok, played for a few minutes – it’s a Myst-style puzzle clickin’ searchin’ game. Not my jam but uh I don’t know, forget whether Anna likes these, maybe the kids might some day. Pretty high concept, hitting a little close to home.

Ergh.

Today the kids indicated someone I don’t know is letting them dance to this:

My kids are 1 and 3. This song is about trying to bang strippers. Deep goncern.

Another day another win by my awesome bot. Today it won The Deer, a $0.99 game which I’m sure is a masterpiece. Honestly I shouldn’t judge a game by the name and price. I shouldn’t judge things at all, but I will…

And… it’s just a little educational game, the graphics have a painterly look and it’s full of facts and “games” for kids. I was hoping for something completely bizarre, this is only slightly bizarre. Another one for Bert and Corina I guess. Not garbage.

Court

I get judged in 40 minutes. Not sure what they can take from me – do they harvest organs? 🤣

If’n I’m not jailed I’ll go to the dollar to look for something to amuse the kiddos with for the other 3 hours I hopefully see them this week.

I should probably feel worse but after seeing the kids this morning I’m still happy.

Wish me luck! Or hope they lock me away forever! I guess it’s all a matter of perspective – am I a guy who recovered from depression and tried to save his family… or am I a violent cyber-Hitler hacker supreme?

I think it should be breddy obvious by now but sometimes mistakes are hard to admit.

Won another game – my bot is working overtime – but what is it? Let’s find out!

Edit: It’s a $2 RPG maker game…  the window is like 320 x 200.  Is so tiny.  I’m still a winner, though – thanks, bot!

Adventure Pals

My Steamgifts bot won me another game – Adventure Pals! Well, I like adventures and I like pals… so I’ll give it a shot. #Winning

Edit: It’s actually pretty good and super goofy, I think Bert would love it.

HOTDOG MAN

I think Corina will enjoy it when she’s older, she LOVES animals (especially elephants, which I have yet to find in the game.)

I’m awesome at Adventure Pals!

Welp

It’s possible I’ll be going to jail for a year or paying a $5000 fine for violating the domestic violence protection order Anna got the State of Washington to issue after she told them she thought I was going to kill everyone I love.  That’s uh… well…  it is what it is I guess.  I just wanted to make sure Bert and Corina gave their mommy a present for her birthday, here’s what they/I gave her:

For all I know those mugs wound up in the garbage… but it was fun designing them, at least.  I’m terrified but I’m always terrified so it really doesn’t feel any different.  I’ve lost everything at this point – I feel normal for 6 hours a week – I’ve spent a princely sum and things haven’t gotten better – a 5k fine and 12 months in prison doesn’t compare with not being able to take my family to a restaurant or tell my kids goodnight.  This is going to affect my ability to find a job (I think the DVPO already has) but hey, that’s great motivation for starting a company or being a freelancer!

Alright, I guess I’ve got to fill out some paperwork for a divorce I don’t want so my wife who I love can be free of me.  Some day everyone will realize they’ve made a mistake and destroyed me for being depressed… right when I recovered.  I hope I get the chance to forgive everyone while the kids are still kids.  I miss Vin.

This sums things up pretty well – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_HoMkkRHv8 – enjoying music again is pretty cool.

Disbelief

Sometimes I still wake up in complete disbelief that this is my life, gripped by absolute terror – my family is the world to me, this life is the farthest from what I want – will things keep getting worse?  I haven’t been depressed for a year and as much as I’ve changed for the better sometimes it feels pointless – the more I try the worse things get.

I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know why telling myself “you’re going to get your family back” helps, I can’t figure out how I’m supposed to do it, but it’s the only thing that does.  How am I supposed to do it?  I really need an answer, if you’re reading this then please help me.  How in the heck does an Emory get an Anna back?

However bad things get I can’t give up – I didn’t give up when she said she didn’t love me, I didn’t give up when she said she wanted a divorce, I didn’t give up when she said I’m not attractive, I didn’t give up when she started saying I’m abusive outta nowhere, I didn’t give up when she took my life away – can you see the pattern?  Don’t tell me to give up or move on, I absolutely will not abandon my family – I’m not that modern.

I’ve gotten back to being pretty a loveable, optimistic, good looking and good natured guy – being depressed for years took more than a few months to recover from – but now what?  I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect the mother of my children and my life partner for over a decade to give our family a 2nd chance but the broad would have me thrown in jail for sneezing in a movie theater, I really can’t uh do much at this err juncture.  Maybe marriage and family is just a mistake in 2019, I dunno.  I know what’s right and this ain’t it.

Rent

Paying my rent always reminds me of how Anna used to decorate our rent payments when we lived in Hampstead.