Archive for August, 2019


;)

Good things.

Here’s a thing I’ve been working on to learn animation & networking. Learned inverse kinematics yesterday for gun holding/aiming. Goal is making a game to play with Justin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtqalbaAn4Y

My Upwork account is in the top 5% of new accounts or something, they labelled me ‘Rising Talent’ – that’s cool. No way I could ever make enough there to cover rent + legal costs + child support but it’s nice to have some good news.

Bot won another game but it was so low-budget I’m scared that it’s actually a miner or trojan or something, not going to install it. If junk like that can get onto Steam and sell 1 copy then I should probably put my new indie hit “Spiders Crawl up Wall to Eerie Music” up for sale for $1.

 

The Search

Bot won another game. No idea what this one is, going in completely blind.

Ok, played for a few minutes – it’s a Myst-style puzzle clickin’ searchin’ game. Not my jam but uh I don’t know, forget whether Anna likes these, maybe the kids might some day. Pretty high concept, hitting a little close to home.

Ergh.

Today the kids indicated someone I don’t know is letting them dance to this:

My kids are 1 and 3. This song is about trying to bang strippers. Deep goncern.

Another day another win by my awesome bot. Today it won The Deer, a $0.99 game which I’m sure is a masterpiece. Honestly I shouldn’t judge a game by the name and price. I shouldn’t judge things at all, but I will…

And… it’s just a little educational game, the graphics have a painterly look and it’s full of facts and “games” for kids. I was hoping for something completely bizarre, this is only slightly bizarre. Another one for Bert and Corina I guess. Not garbage.

Court

I get judged in 40 minutes. Not sure what they can take from me – do they harvest organs? ūü§£

If’n I’m not jailed I’ll go to the dollar to look for something to amuse the kiddos with for the other 3 hours I hopefully see them this week.

I should probably feel worse but after seeing the kids this morning I’m still happy.

Wish me luck! Or hope they lock me away forever! I guess it’s all a matter of perspective – am I a guy who recovered from depression and tried to save his family… or am I a violent cyber-Hitler hacker supreme?

I think it should be breddy obvious by now but sometimes mistakes are hard to admit.

Won another game – my bot is working overtime – but what is it? Let’s find out!

Edit: It’s a $2 RPG maker game…¬† the window is like 320 x 200.¬† Is so tiny.¬† I’m still a winner, though – thanks, bot!

Adventure Pals

My Steamgifts bot won me another game – Adventure Pals! Well, I like adventures and I like pals… so I’ll give it a shot. #Winning

Edit: It’s actually pretty good and super goofy, I think Bert would love it.

HOTDOG MAN

I think Corina will enjoy it when she’s older, she LOVES animals (especially elephants, which I have yet to find in the game.)

I’m awesome at Adventure Pals!

Welp

It’s possible I’ll be going to jail for a year or paying a $5000 fine for violating the domestic violence protection order Anna got the State of Washington to issue after she told them she thought I was going to kill everyone I love.¬† That’s uh… well…¬† it is what it is I guess.¬† I just wanted to make sure Bert and Corina gave their mommy a present for her birthday, here’s what they/I gave her:

For all I know those mugs wound up in the garbage… but it was fun designing them, at least.¬† I’m terrified but I’m always terrified so it really doesn’t feel any different.¬† I’ve lost everything at this point – I feel normal for 6 hours a week – I’ve spent a princely sum and things haven’t gotten better – a 5k fine and 12 months in prison doesn’t compare with not being able to take my family to a restaurant or tell my kids goodnight.¬† This is going to affect my ability to find a job (I think the DVPO already has) but hey, that’s great motivation for starting a company or being a freelancer!

Alright, I guess I’ve got to fill out some paperwork for a divorce I don’t want so my wife who I love can be free of me.¬† Some day everyone will realize they’ve made a mistake and destroyed me for being depressed… right when I recovered.¬† I hope I get the chance to forgive everyone while the kids are still kids.¬† I miss Vin.

This sums things up pretty well – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_HoMkkRHv8 – enjoying music again is pretty cool.

Disbelief

Sometimes I still wake up in complete disbelief that this is my life, gripped by absolute terror – my family is the world to me, this life is the farthest from what I want – will things keep getting worse? ¬†I haven’t been depressed for a year and as much as I’ve changed for the better sometimes it feels pointless – the more I try the worse things get.

I don’t know what to do. ¬†I don’t know why telling myself “you’re going to get your family back” helps, I can’t figure out how I’m supposed to do it, but it’s the only thing that does. ¬†How am I supposed to do it? ¬†I really need an answer, if you’re reading this then please help me. ¬†How in the heck does an Emory get an Anna back?

However bad things get I can’t give up – I didn’t give up when she said she didn’t love me, I didn’t give up when she said she wanted a divorce, I didn’t give up when she said I’m not attractive, I didn’t give up when she started saying I’m abusive outta nowhere, I didn’t give up when she took my life away – can you see the pattern? ¬†Don’t tell me to give up or move on, I absolutely will not abandon my family – I’m not that modern.

I’ve gotten back to being pretty a loveable, optimistic, good looking and good natured guy – being depressed for years took more than a few months to recover from – but now what? ¬†I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect the mother of my children and my life partner for over a decade to give our family a 2nd chance but the broad would have me thrown in jail for sneezing in a movie theater, I really can’t uh do much at this err juncture. ¬†Maybe marriage and family is just a mistake in 2019, I dunno. ¬†I know what’s right and this ain’t it.

Rent

Paying my rent always reminds me of how Anna used to decorate our rent payments when we lived in Hampstead.