Sometimes I still wake up in complete disbelief that this is my life, gripped by absolute terror – my family is the world to me, this life is the farthest from what I want – will things keep getting worse?  I haven’t been depressed for a year and as much as I’ve changed for the better sometimes it feels pointless – the more I try the worse things get.

I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know why telling myself “you’re going to get your family back” helps, I can’t figure out how I’m supposed to do it, but it’s the only thing that does.  How am I supposed to do it?  I really need an answer, if you’re reading this then please help me.  How in the heck does an Emory get an Anna back?

However bad things get I can’t give up – I didn’t give up when she said she didn’t love me, I didn’t give up when she said she wanted a divorce, I didn’t give up when she said I’m not attractive, I didn’t give up when she started saying I’m abusive outta nowhere, I didn’t give up when she took my life away – can you see the pattern?  Don’t tell me to give up or move on, I absolutely will not abandon my family – I’m not that modern.

I’ve gotten back to being pretty a loveable, optimistic, good looking and good natured guy – being depressed for years took more than a few months to recover from – but now what?  I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect the mother of my children and my life partner for over a decade to give our family a 2nd chance but the broad would have me thrown in jail for sneezing in a movie theater, I really can’t uh do much at this err juncture.  Maybe marriage and family is just a mistake in 2019, I dunno.  I know what’s right and this ain’t it.