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I hope somebody told our kids to sing today.

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Before I forget

New version of the NES Art Bot – https://twitter.com/nintendoartbot – it’s using some NES constraints now related to tiles, backgrounds and sprites, I think the results look better.  Twitter compresses, mangles and stretches the heck out of these.

Also playing with non-malicious DeepFakery.  Today I asked Bert if I could record him leaning back as far as he could… I didn’t have any photos of him at that angle.  Also got some good profile images.  Woman who works there looked at me like I’ve got two heads.  Can’t wait until the day people wake up and realize how cool I am, then the kids and I can make crazy videos all day every day.

Welp

Might be going to jail for making sure my kids gave their mommy a birthday present. I have to keep doing the right thing regardless of the outcome. I love my family.

Update: Alright, bailed myself out – I hope Anna likes those birthday presents from the kids, two mugs that cost $40 and took 6 hours to design have now cost me another $420 + 24 hours.

So what’s not so bad about jail? You can sleep as much as you want on a hard mattress with no pillow, you can read as much as you want of sequels (seriously every book there was a Part 2), the guards are mostly friendly, the uniforms are green (my favorite color!) and the other inmates seem nice enough.  There are anti-rape posters on every wall, so that’s neat.

Do I want to go back? Nope. Do I think I will? No idea – she’s tried to have me sent a few times but this is the first thing I actually did that deserved it (buying presents is a violation of the order intended to protect her from imaginary murderous intent.) It’s possible that when I go back to court for this thing I’ll get some more time in there. It is what it is.  If I were her I wouldn’t expect any presents from the kids in the future unless someone else steps up… which I hope they do… because at the end of the day I hope there’s still a nice person inside of her.

I haven’t understood most of what she’s done for months in terms of ripping our families apart and wounding our kids for life, so I won’t lose sleep over it, but sending me to jail for making sure Bert and Corina have a birthday present to give her is sick. What kind of father wouldn’t make sure his children have presents to give their mother on her birthday? I lost some sleep last night but that was mostly down to spending from 10pm-1am in a 60 degree holding cell – on the bright side I don’t think I’ve shivered that hard since the one time we came back from a vacation in the winter and hadn’t turned on the heat in our apartment. How many socks did we wear then? I forget, but I remember that even the hand soap was frozen solid.  Better and colder times.


I wish I knew, Google Photos. I wish I knew.

Saturday!

Got to see Bert and Corina on a Saturday for the first time in 6 months. We watched Pororo, Grover and Mickey. Corina loves Anna more than she enjoys watching cartoons so we wound up watching a few videos of our family too. Corina likes her bacon crispy, Bert likes his soft… so next time I’ve got to cook half one way and half another. Bert told me he woke up during that earthquake and I wasn’t there to protect him – what would have happened if I’d called to make sure my family was safe? No idea. This domestic violence protection order is accomplishing two things: allowing people who are mistaken about me to remain that way and interfering with my love for our kids. There is nothing to protect anyone from, it’s so dumb. If Anna is starting to realize how unnecessary all of this then soon enough we’ll be having a laugh about the half a year we spent living in a Lifetime movie.

Probably going on a hot air balloon ride soon, it’s something I’ve always wanted to do… I want to go “uppy uppy uppy!” I don’t know if Anna would’ve done that with me but I wish I’d brought it up a decade ago.

Bacon

Bert didn’t know what bacon was so now I can cook bacon.

Bringing that boy some bacon.

Do I think he’ll eat it? Nope.

Corina might. I definitely will.

Update: Bert liked it! Corina didn’t seem to understand the texture, chewed it pretty thoroughly and then spit it out into her hand and gave it to me. Thanks, honey.

Peanut butter + honey + oats = peanut butter oat squares. Letting them set, if they’re not too gooey I’ll be bringing some when I see Bert and Corina tomorrow. I have a good feeling about these.

Happy 4th of July

I hope my family is eating burgers, swimming and going to see fireworks! I’m lucky that I can remember seeing fireworks with Anna in Westminster, Redmond, Hawaii and Disney World… and I think maybe in Bellevue too? Never got to see them with Bert – I hope he and Corina don’t get scared hearing them.

I just noticed they’ve got the same crying mouth shape.

Edit: I showed this to Bert and he wanted to know why he was purple. Why why why why? Corina just said “Baby!” I love them so much.

One good thing about being away from the people you love is that it helps you realize how important they are – every day I wake up and I know who I love and how much. I don’t think many people get to start their day like that, do they?

I’ve got no idea how I’m going to get my family back, I just know I need to do it before this hurts Anna and the kids more than it already has. The older Bert and Corina get the more they’re going to need me there, every day… and they already do. Sticking them in daycare or bringing in strangers to take care of them isn’t a solution, I am irreplaceable. Whether they can communicate that yet or not doesn’t matter – the statistics on children of divorce make it clear that this is in no way good for them.

The biggest mistake I’ve made during the last year was focusing on the thing I didn’t want to happen, the divorce, instead of the thing that matters to me, Anna’s feelings. I was too hurt to think clearly but no excuses. One of these days I’ll get my right to free speech back and do everything I can to remind her of who recognized her beauty in an ‘ugly’ picture, talked to her on the phone for years, took her to Denny’s, drove through a blizzard to profess his love, rescued her from her father, gave her a place to live, spilled tea everywhere, moved across the country to support her education, let a kitten loose in the car, edited comp answers, encouraged her to start a business, spent tens of hours shopping for engagement rings, loves her family as much as she does, fathered her children, loves her even through all of this and is too stubborn to stop.

Maybe we’ll already be divorced before I’m free to speak – doesn’t matter, don’t care. The money we’re wasting on this I can earn back. The time I’m losing with the kids I will make up to them somehow. Everyone who has taken her side? Already forgiven. I took vows and I meant them, I have children and I love them.

I made brownies…

Well… they’re brown! I got that part right!

I was going to try soaking one in milk but they’re so great I can’t even cut them – they’re positively impervious. The corner is missing because I cut one when they were still warm and only slightly hard. Now they are not warm. Now they are chocolate concrete.

=/

Kids and I have lost 5 months of time while they’re 1 and 3.

Never getting that time back. It hurts.

I’m not depressed, I’m not dangerous.

We’re all being punished.

Talking to Mom Mom helps.

Happy Fathers Day!

The 6 hours I spend as a father every week are what keeps me going, can’t wait until the kids are old enough to give me ties or something.

Yech.

Bert watches this at home now apparently:

I show him videos I made when we were a family and this:

I can only control what I do, I’ve just got to keep reminding myself of that.

do not want

Divorcing someone you love is hard. You have a nice dream about her and then you wake up and… well, that person doesn’t exist right now. 404. Not the best way to start a day.

New Animal Crossing at E3… I mean I know she doesn’t play games anymore, and definitely doesn’t have the time now, but the urge to share hasn’t gone away. Did she watch the new David Tenant show on Prime? I hope so! Did she watch Game of Thrones? I didn’t, didn’t feel right without her. I do so many dumb things she’d laugh at and I know she would because I know her. I bought single-ply toilet paper… and learned my lesson. I tried to make tacos in my George Foreman grill – oh lord the greases. Bought a pull-up bar that goes in the door frame and I use it but everything starts creaking like I’m about to bring the building down. Right now I’m trying to make fruit rolls by dehydrating apple sauce – I mean, is that even? What am I doing?

I’d get a pet but I feel like that would be betraying our cats. Any time I do anything I think Anna or the kids would enjoy I feel like I’m betraying them. Just constant internal conflict, that’s me these days. Still can’t get my brain to understand that the cats are not here, the white or black thing in my peripheral vision is not Ivy or Cuddlepuff. I’d kill for some occipital neural plasticity.

New Zelda game at E3 and I want to know what Vin thinks but by the time we’re talking it’s possible I’ll have beaten it. I hope everyone who sided with Anna, convinced her that this was the right thing to do and/or provided letters… I just really hope all those people are helping her with the kids so she can get a break. Maybe she got the 2nd aupair by now, is Melena even there anymore? I get villainized if I ask Bert questions about Corina’s preferences, if I started asking questions about their lives I’d probably be hung in the public square. Not knowing what my kids are doing most of the time… I really don’t understand how men abandon their families willingly. Why would anyone do this to themselves?

Anyway I’m sitting here doing the paperwork that her lawyer wants. It’s hard to get through because it makes me sad, that’s why I’m writing this instead. Gotta get back to it. Putting effort and finances into this mistake… it’s hard to do. I’ve got a fixed amount of time on this planet, I should be working for her and the kids, supporting her the way I always did when I was well and being a good Dad. I should be making people happy, this is just going to make our kids sad forever. If they weren’t holding Bert and Corina hostage I wouldn’t participate.

Alright, good news: Apple slices dehydrated nicely. Got up to 100 pushups per day. Feeling strong. Ortho and dentist appointments tomorrow.

When do I stop wanting to come home?

Update: When you dehydrate applesauce you get a fruit roll-up! I ate it, 4/5 stars – a bit too tough, try 4 hours instead of 5. Psyched. Going to try some jelly.

Operation

I couldn’t play this as a kid, the sound + light scared me. Bert and I had a lot of fun with it – give him love and encouragement and he’s a brave little boy. He was very concerned about how the man would feel if we took his bones out and I explained that he’d feel better because everything we were taking out bothered him. He was also concerned that the picture of the man on the box didn’t match the man in the game – I explained to him about artists and interpretations. When I have more than 3-6 hours with him per week we’re going to have so much more fun, it’s going to be great. He’s expressed interest in going back to Jujitsu!

Damn.

Finally got around to taking all the pictures of Bert from his nannycam for the first two years of his life and making a video. I know it’s mostly hilarious but it makes me too sad to watch right now. Wish I could see my kids, wish my wife loved me, etc – every day stuff for me for months now. Oh well, can’t control what other people do, right? Just gotta keep loving my family, trying to do the right thing and hoping something changes. Would post the full video but it definitely contains nudity. Everyone’s nudity. Somebody was always naked. Here’s 15 seconds that’s safe. It’s an hour and fifteen minutes of this.

Gremory

There’s a demon named Gremory, she’s super cool – a hot princess who rides a camel. Sees the future, finds treasure and picks up chicks. Also a Duke of Hell governing twenty-six legions of demons – that’s 156,000 demons! That’s a lot of demons!

Since I bought a George Foreman grill my diet has gone from carbs to protein. Beef burgers, turkey burgers and fish. Man food. Bert wanted a “cheeseburger with peanut butter and jelly” so I just made a slider with those toppings – if I don’t puke I’ll let him try one tomorrow.

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Hard.

It’s hard to go through all these old messages between Anna and I – it puts me in the frame of mind I was in at the time.

Now I’m at the part where the depression kicks in.  Anna was trying to cheer me up.

4/22/2015 – that’s when emails make it obvious I’m getting sick.

7/27/2018 – still sick.

8/31/2018 – back to normal.

Unfortunately by then the love and playfulness had dried up.

I guess I’ll just put on my willywinners, dry my dingus and scramble bamble.

Mars

Got the kids a couple of boarding passes.  Apparently their names will be etched onto a silicon chip and carried to Mars by a rover in 2020.

Wew.

As part of losing everything they make you go back through all your family photos.

I don’t know what to do, I miss this beast something fierce.  I got well too late.  I’m sorry.

I just want to come home.

For the Kids’ Sake

In Washington State when your wife decides to kick you out of your family you’ve got to attend this 4.25 hour seminar called For the Kids’ Sake. As if you weren’t heartbroken enough you get to learn how your children will never recover, divorce never ends and you’ll always be fighting. I saw nothing in those 4.25 hours which made me desire this future for myself, my wife or our children. Bert and Corina deserve better than this, I don’t understand how anyone thinks otherwise. I want to stay married and our kids are going to want us to be married.

At one point the ‘teacher’ defined anger as a secondary emotion, said that anger can be healthy to express and then said the difference between anger and rage is that in rage someone is scared. I asked “So if you’re angry, but I’m a very fearful person, does that mean you’re enraged?” Her answer, of course, was “Yes.” I’m living in Clown World – I can be considered violent without having committed violence because my emotions are decided by yours.

The world can go crazy but I will remain true to myself: I will always love my family and I will never hurt them. I do not want a divorce, I just want to come home and be a father and husband. I was depressed, I’m not now, I’m sorry and I couldn’t control it. By the time I understood the severity of our problems it had been decided for me that divorce was the only solution. I will always be willing to do what is best for our children and the statistics make it clear what that is. I will forgive my family for anything.

When I was depressed I said and did a lot of things which I regret, though none as horrible as the things I’ve been accused of. I can make amends to everyone except the one person who really deserves them.

Spaghett

Went to the libraries in Mill Creek and Marysville to track down books about Monster Trucks for Bert. Came home and Dad had made spaghetti. I didn’t really want to eat it and then I looked – he’d cut all the noodles up into little pieces. I find the long noodles annoying and when I expressed that he agreed emphatically. We ate the spaghetti. No fever for 24 hours, throat is still sore but I think the cold is almost over.

:/

The saddest part of this divorce is my son asking me “When are you coming home?” “Why don’t you come home?” “Are you coming home?” every time I see him at supervised visitation. He’s bright and the strategy of redirection with a “I’m here now, let’s play!” isn’t working. I’m not allowed to do anything else.

The next saddest thing is that Anna has convinced herself I was reading her emails, listening to her calls, etc. The truth is just that I love her – when she’d talk to me I’d listen.

Sorry kids, I tried as hard as I could. Maybe something changes in the future but I wouldn’t bet on it.

I’ve been playing video games for about 27 years now, starting with the NES, and I’ve never been less hyped about a Nintendo console or handheld.  I don’t think I’m alone here and my issue isn’t the price, it’s Nintendo’s track record.

Nintendo’s last handheld, the 3DS, is on its 3rd hardware revision.  The original 3DS was a beautiful system that I’ll miss owning, but holding it hurt my hands and it managed to scratch itself… so I upgraded to the XL.  I thought it was dumb that the XL didn’t include a 2nd analog stick, since at the time Nintendo was selling that idiotic Circle Pad Pro accessory, but whatever.  A little later and Nintendo released the New 3DS XL, which not only has a 2nd analog but superior guts which allows for SNES emulation and things like a Xenoblade port.  Having spent $250(?) on my launch 3DS and another $100 upgrading to the XL, I sat out the New – it just isn’t worth it.

Nintendo’s last home console, the Wii U, they supported for basically 4 years… the first and last of which were droughts.  3rd parties were repulsed by the comparatively weak hardware and while the 1st party games were excellent, they disappeared for the last year while Nintendo shifted all development to the Switch.

So the situation I’m looking at is Nintendo releasing a hybrid handheld/console, when they’re on the 3rd hardware revision of their last handheld and they supported their last console for just 4 years.  They’re launching in the middle of a generation with hardware that’s weak compared to the PS4 and Xbox One, to say nothing of the PS4 Pro and Project Scorpio.  Combine that with the poor localization coming from Nintendo of America and it’s just…  sad.

Sorry Nintendo.

Society

My controversial ideas I should probably keep to myself: Diversity should be a natural side-effect of equality – when we treat each other as equals, everyone will be judged on merit and other things (race, sex, age) won’t be part of the equation.

We never quite managed to get equality as a society – we became obsessed with jumping straight to diversity. In order to achieve diversity without equality, we had to attach additional value based on the phenotype of an individual. Our society is unwittingly attempting to achieve diversity by sacrificing equality – we purposefully draw attention to the things that make us different.

To say that this is divisive is an understatement.

ie. Buying a game gets you a game, but buying a game made by a woman gets you a game and diversity. It doesn’t stop there – it extends to supporting publications based on the gender and orientation of journalists, watching streamers on Twitch, supporting creators on Patreon, funding KickStarters, etc. Any movement which supports one person over another based on phenotype is discriminatory – discrimination always invites blowback.

We’ve gone from embracing one divisive paradigm (the old boy network) to another (the diversity movement) and there is no end in sight – there is nothing unique about gaming, it is just another battleground.

If you identify as a feminist, SJW, MRA or anything else I think you’re going about things the wrong way… but I don’t blame you.

  1. It’s possible we’re living through a period, like when mascot platformers or World War 2 shooters reigned supreme, which will naturally decline.
  2. If someone feels their values/beliefs/gender/skin/sexuality/etc. aren’t represented in art they’re free to express themselves through creation (making games has never been easier!)
  3. Consumers will probably tire of any trend and begin seeking novelty – underrepresentation is opportunity.
  4. The only games which actually represent players feature character customization which usually allows for female characters to be created.
  5. If VR takes off and you look down and your boobs are gone then you’re probably not going to be immersed.

I made two games for Flappy JamSurvival of the Flappest and Unflappable Dev.

Unflappable Dev was the first thing I ever made with Construct 2, Survival of the Flappest was the second. You can read my impressions of this tool over on reddit.

So far I’m getting a really good response! Unflappable Dev was mentioned in articles on Touch Arcade and the Italian version of WIRED!

The response on Twitter has been swell:

https://twitter.com/deviever/statuses/434287991993802752

https://twitter.com/i_palmentieri/statuses/434617658122584065

Survival of the Flappest got a little praise, too!

https://twitter.com/i_palmentieri/statuses/434676678254546944

Game jams are pretty great.

Screen Savior

A game consisting of discrete stages where you fight your way through the screensavers of Windows 3.1 and Windows 95.

Blast Windows logos, fly through the starfield, avoid scrolling volcano names, solve the maze, ride the pipes, etc.

Trollplaying Game

F2P MMORPG where you’re always in a single player instance, chat is global and all gameplay is quick time events. All chat is voice chat and the volume of a user is determined by the pitch of their voice. You cannot fail events, though earnest success earns you more experience – the game has RPG elements like a tech tree and stats, though the stats raise automatically when you level and the tech tree is entirely linear. Equipment is purely aesthetic, though you’re only able to obtain wearable equipment from a global auction house (the only verb you’re afforded on found equipment is ‘list’.) You build a character by placing 2 of the abilities you’ve unlocked onto a hotbar, which is activated with the ESC and Pause/Break keys.

Site update!

Added summaries to Projects page so folks clicking the menu will get something for their time.

Added Publications page (I need to see if Dr. Karnick has a webpage!)

Added pages on CPPNs, Pokepikaso and Steamgifter to Projects.

Moved reddit profile link to About Me menu, added links to Twitter, facebook and Linked In.

Functions!

Looks better in motion

Looks better in motion

Combining layers with designer specified functions to form a hierarchy.  The first function transforms the value in the first layer, the second function transforms the value in the second layer, the third function combines the two.  The input data to the functions pictured isn’t from a layer, this is just dummy data (the position on the X and Z axes.)  Spatial utility.

GL is nice.

GL is nice.

Unity Performance

This is rendering a bit too slowly, the FPS drops so low the Cubiquity terrain doesn’t finish rendering. Hmm.

Changed some stuff.  Still need to track down allocations.

Changed some stuff. Still need to track down allocations.

This is not a game.

In Progress

In Progress

Windows 8

Windows 8 is bland, ugly and confusing… but it’s optimized, it boots quickly and runs smoothly, meaning it isn’t altogether terrible. The developers did a good job. The designers inserted head in ass.

There is no conveyance, so for perhaps the first time I’m using an OS where operating the computer feels like magic. Not Apple it-just-works magic, mind you, I’m talking voodoo – you luck into a way of doing something, like turning off the computer from the settings menu, and you’re never sure if there’s another way (because goddamn that’s weird!) but you’ll do it that way from now on because it took forever to discover and it worked that one time.

The only truly baffling thing about a fresh install is having the Metro version of IE open while you’ve got the Desktop IE open, because you expect they’ll have access to the same tabs (and of course they don’t.) The gestures have zero discoverability, unless you’re the type who clicks and drags and pokes at screen edges, which is the type of user you’ll become after installing Windows 8.

Verdict: I don’t completely hate it.

I’m moving to wordpress from blogger, we’ll see how it goes.

I’ve lost some formatting in the import, apparently – if this impacts your enjoyment, feel free to check emorymdev.blogspot.com and emorym.blogspot.com.  Looking at posts from 2003/2004 it appears I lost some images during one of many FTP transfers throughout the years – I’ll be attempting to recover everything, for posterity’s sake.

A note to friends, fellow developers and HR puff & stuffs: if you go back far enough on this blog, you’ll probably find something you don’t like.  I’ve got the same problem.  I don’t have the time (machine) to go back and self-censor and you shouldn’t have the time to read inane blog posts until you become offended, so let’s just pretend I’ve always been full of sunshine and happiness, as I am now, instead of spirits and vitriol, as I used to be.

I did a tiny writeup on my profile on aishowdown.com, but I’m not sure what people want to know =]

The first thing I tried was a bot based on potential fields, because the map didn’t have obstacles and potential fields are easy… but I wasn’t getting good results – it was barely beating dumbplayer.py!  This bot was scrapped, never to be seen again.

Then I cobbled together a simple bot based on distance maps, which I’d intended to improve, but after watching it in a handful of practice rounds against other players I realized all of us had many areas on the map with more than 1 chicken.  Any chicken not working for a living had no place in my society.

So I started thinking A*, which might’ve looked like Brixican‘s bot (except I would’ve avoided the 2 chickens 1 farm scenario)…  and then I was thinking Dijkstra, because it would probably be ‘good enough’ to path to the nearest empty/enemy… but then I realized that was also overkill, because all the edge weights are 1, so I went with a simple breadth-first search.

So my BFS bot was humming along, expanding in a pyramid (turtle!), but since I could really only expand from a single space with multiple chickens in 4 directions at once, I added some logic that moved extra chickens… somewhere.  I tried moving them several different places, actually – some variations tried to expand towards money or food or the enemy’s money or food, but ultimately the version which expanded towards the enemy’s spawn beat the rest when I pitted them against each other.  There’s always room for chickens on the front lines.

So that bot was pretty successful but then I suspected that other players would also devise this expand-as-fast-as-possible strategy, so I should prioritize expansion *and* food…  so I added some logic which caused any chicken not already issued an order to move onto an adjacent empty/enemy area, if that area offered additional food.  I thought this was good, and it beat the other variations… most of the time.

Sometimes, though, one of the other variants which just expanded would still win – sure, I’d have more food and chickens, but my chickens would be abandoning money in favor of food while my opponent would be occupying every space in his radius… leading to economic victory.

The first change I made was that the food seeking logic would only kick in if the enemy had more food than I did – this seemed to work well enough… and, indeed, this is the only behavior which kicks in during the tournament (sadly!)

The next thing I experimented with was prioritizing money instead of food – this is usually suicide, but if you wait until around the middle of the game… and you only attempt to beat your opponent by a narrow margin… you can sometimes snag a win from what otherwise would be certain defeat.  This behavior never showed up during the tournament, but I basically guessed that the average payout rate was 0.5 (I really should’ve tested this) and so if my enemy controlled half the map, they could expect to receive height*width*0.5*0.5 = 625 money per turn.  So, if at any point after turn 500 my bot doesn’t have more than 625 chicken dollars than my opponent, the chickens attempt to occupy wall street.

That’s basically how I arrived at the champion AI, I just kept writing bots and pitting them against each other while trying to think of both the optimal strategy for the game and anticipating that my enemies would be doing the same.  I really thought phoenix was going to win, because I’d watched a previous match and it looked like his strategy was similar to mine except he was seeking resources with pathing instead of hill climbing, though it appears that in our match he suffered from a lower population due to wasting multiple chickens on a single space.

While I’m glad that my bot never needed to prioritize money, I would have liked to have seen that happen – as-is all of my matches were pretty boring.  I’m still thrilled I won, though! =]

PS4 vs Xbox One

Anything you can do,
I can do better.
I can do anything
Better than you.

No, you can’t.
Yes, I can. No, you can’t.
Yes, I can. No, you can’t.
Yes, I can,
Yes, I can!

Anything you can be
I can be greater.
Sooner or later,
I’m greater than you.

No, you’re not. Yes, I am.
No, you’re not. Yes, I am.
No, you’re NOT!. Yes, I am.
Yes, I am!

I can get a Halo
from anyone that I know.
Enjoy your Metroid Prime clone
I’ve got another Killzone.

I can live on FPS.
And only on those?
Yes.
So can the bros!

Any score you can get
I can get higher.
I can dev anything
better than you.

No, you can’t. (High)
Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you can’t. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you can’t. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you can’t. (Higher)
Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you can’t. (Higher)
Yes, I CAN! (Highest)

Anything you can sell
I can sell cheaper.
I can sell anything
Cheaper than you.

700 bucks?
600 bucks!  500 bucks?
400 bucks!  No, you can’t!
Yes, I can,
Yes, I can!

Any noise that you make
I can make lesser.
I can do anything
less loudly than you.

No, you can’t. (Softly)
Yes, I can. (Softer) No, you can’t. (Softer)
Yes, I can. (Softer) No, you can’t. (Softer)
Yes, I can. (Softer)
YES, I CAN! (Full volume)

I enlarge a buffer,
faster than a fluffer.
I compute things quicker
while uploading to Flickr.

I can rely on the cloud.
While always online?
Sure.
That’s really not fine–
you crook!

Any buzz you can build
I can hold longer.
I can hype any fan
Up more than you.

No, you can’t.
Yes, I can No, you can’t.
Yes, I can No, you can’t.
Yes, I can
Yes, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I No, you C-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N’T–
CA-A-A-A-N! (Cough, cough!)
Yes, you ca-a-a-an!

Anything you can buy
I can use better.
In what you use
I’d run better than you.
In my RAM?
In your cloud! In my Glass?
In your case! No, you can’t!
Yes, I can
Yes, I CAN!

Anything you can draw
I can draw faster.
I can draw everything
Faster than you.

No, you can’t. (Fast)
Yes, I can. (Faster) No, you can’t. (Faster)
Yes, I can. (Faster) Noyoucan’t. (Faster)
YesIcan! (Fastest)

I can help with fitness.
I can play The Witness.
I have Xbox Live Gold.
I give games that aren’t old.
I can do most anything!
Do you have backwards compat? No.
I guess we share that.

Anything you can say
I can say clearer.
I can say anything
Clearer than you.

No, you can’t. (Mumbles)
Yes, I can. (Clearer) No, you can’t. (Mumbles)
Yes, I can. (Clearer) No, you can’t. (Mumbles)
Yes, I can. (Clearer) No, you can’t, can’t, can’t (Guttural)
Yes, I can, can, can (Shakespearian)

Yes, I can! No, you can’t!

My cat is the best cat. She goes to the bathroom in the bathroom like a person. My other cat is also the best cat, she loves to eat and always sleeps where it is the warmest. My girlfriend is the best girlfriend, she buys me good food at the store and kisses me and says nice things a lot. I study computer stuff and how to make better bad guys in computer games, like how to make the bad guys do better stuff and act more like people. I have the best life and I never sleep.

If I ever hire an engineer…

We’re just trying to gauge your thinking process, so feel free to ask questions.

How many ounces of mood slime would it take to provide a coat 1″ thick covering the interior of the statue of liberty?

If you were attempting to interface this psychoreactive ooze with peripherals designed for a Nintendo Entertainment System, what steps would you take?

Goblins

I was reading about some fearsome new variety of spider they found in Oregon and apparently this thing is related to goblin spiders.

Yes, according to Wikipedia there are around 1,000 species of goblin spiders – that’s a lot of goblins!

This evil little guy is a Silhouettella assumptia. Looks like a red Tektike. Neat!
And then, of course, there is the Goblin shark which is terrifyingly awesome.

Anna on the news!

The Paranormals

When I was really young I remember something inhuman saying my name.

When I was older I saw a ghost arm come through the wall – I was too young to freak out (until I walked into the other room trying to find the rest of the person and it was empty.)

When I was older my Mom and I thought we saw some UFOs while flying kites – neither of us can remember anything that happened after that.

At some point I saw Big in a Fox theater with my Dad – we got the mystery ending that everyone denies filming (the female love interest makes herself younger and shows up as a new student in the main character’s class.)

A few years later, I heard some clicking and visualized something I identified as an engine that was based around a toroidal magnetic field.  No idea where that came from.

At some point, I jokingly claimed to have caused an earthquake.  Mom told me to cause another, so I strained really hard.  Apparently at that moment there was a massive earthquake somewhere (we read about it the next day.)

In the field between my house and my grandparents house in Upperco, MD there was a spot in the field that was always noticeably cooler to stand in.  As a kid I figured something was buried there.

As a pre-teen there was a screaming sound coming from a nearby field – we called it ‘the creature.’  Dad and I went out to investigate and we’re 99% sure it flew, because the sound seemed to come from in front of us and then behind us.

In college I noticed street lights would wink a lot around me so I looked at one and thought “c’mon, wink out” – it did.

I don’t believe in the paranormal.

On Mass Effect 3

I think it’s worth appreciating that ME3 was created as a product first and foremost, that any artistic merit the game has was added for profitability.  This isn’t some indie passion project or an art installation – this is a mass-market product.

If we were talking about dissatisfaction with the graphics engine, the networking, the dialog trees – any of the technical parts of the game which had an equal amount of creativity poured into them – I doubt anyone would support a position of ‘Will Not Fix.’  As a developer, I find this insulting.

Game reviewers are writers – writers sticking together should not be surprising.  It should not surprise anyone that writers believe that their art is somehow sacred – that all things about a game should be malleable except the plot.  If software developers felt this way about their work, the entire industry would grind to a halt.

I haven’t played Mass Effect 3, so I can’t judge the ending, but it seems like this was the result of inadequate playtesting.

Raytracing!

So I’m taking CS500 this semester with Dr. Gary Herron and he mentioned one of the sample images we work with reminded his daughter of fractals.  Well, back in the 90’s I remember fractals being super cool, so of course I instantly decided I should learn how to raytrace them!  Raytrace is probably the wrong word – although I’m working with my raytracer, these shapes are using raymarching and some of the coolest things ever, distance estimators!

Anyhow, just in case anyone else is as interested in this as I am, I recommend starting here.
Here are some pictures I’ve generated so far:

More Dreaming

Thought up a new way to handle cube-based construction in a game – potentially really cool, hopefully I’ll either have time to try it someday, document it or someone else will beat me to the punch.  It isn’t voxel based (unless your voxels are teeny-tiny.)  Just posting here so I won’t forget, chonestly.

Dream Game

I just had a dream I was working on the following game:

It’s like Pokemon, where you train monsters to fight other trainers, except instead of a turn-based battle the combat takes place in real time in an arena.  The monsters are controlled by AI, leaving you to control your trainer – who actually fights (with boxing gloves.)  Other trainers are typically horrified to see you fighting their monsters.

The story is that you were a master of these battles back when the monsters made sense and there was a human component, but many years have passed since then and you think the new monsters the kids have found are dumb and this makes you very angry.  So you’re basically one of those 151-elitists…

Oh, and the first monster you start with is Meat Boy.

Then I woke up, I think Ivy jumped on me.